FINE

OK, OK..So I'm finally giving in and doing the blog thing. Not so much because I have a burning desire to share, or because I have Amy's eloquence with words or Amber's wit, or because I have too much time and not nearly enough to do. Mostly because I have cute pictures and stories about my son and videos that are too large to e-mail.

Well, last night we hit a major milestone in the mommy/baby realm. Cade slept through the night - totally and completely by himself...in the closet. Now, before you get offended that I put my baby in the closet - let me explain.

He's been sleeping through the night with a little help from me for over a week now. About 3 times a night I give him his pacifier when he starts to stir and once a night I turn him over so he can change positions. After a solid week of this with no middle-of-the-night feedings, we decided to roll the bassinet 15 feet away to the bathroom and give it a go. That night was hard - maybe not for him, but for me. You see, on that night he cried - a lot - and my heart ached. As you might imagine, a bathroom echos and magnifies the sound and it sounded like my precious son was heartbroken that I wasn't there to comfort him. Now, of course I can't prove that he actually was - but that's how it felt. So, I did what any loving mother would do. I put a pillow over my head! Why you ask? Because the wisest woman I know (and you know who you are) gave me a snippet of information on my new job called motherhood. She told me that my job is to work myself out of a job. That over the next 18+ years, I was to make my son strong and independent and self reliant. That he should be able to take care of and comfort himself...eventually. So, no better time than the present.

Anyway, we made it through the night in one piece and even though I was sure that he was "eyeing" my the next morning - annoyed that I didn't come to his rescue - I decided that I was no quitter and we were going to do it again. Only this time he was going to have to cry in a room that didn't echo and make me feel so guilty. So when Steve got home around 10, we wheeled our sleeping son another 10 feet past his previous night's resting place to the quiet, carpeted closet. I left the door cracked and retreated to bed - prepared to be woken up by his cries in just a few short hours. But to my surprise, nothing. He had slept through the night with no help from me. A milestone in his development and twinge of pain in my heart. For the first time - he no longer needs me.

At 6:15, when Steve got out of the shower I said "Is he breathing?" and he said "yeah, he's just lying there awake and smiling". So I asked him to bring Cade to me so I could feed him...the next 3 minutes proved to be some of the most pure joy I've ever known.

Now, please remember that Steve had been out of town since Monday morning at 5:00am, so Cade hadn't seen him or heard his voice in 4 full days. I heard a baby shriek followed by a belly laugh from dad. When Steve leaned over the bassinet to pick him up, Cade looked right at him and smiled his "big" smile and shrieked. This went on for a minute until he brought him over to me in bed. Cade was just looking at him and laughing and thrashing his arms. He was SO happy to see his daddy. We sat there as a family and all laughed.

It made my heart happy.

Sweet baby boy - you're already growing up so fast. I'm amazed by you and how EASY you are making this journey on me. You are the light of my life. I want to hold you in my arms forever. - Mommy