Back to Blogging

OK, so the holidays are OVER!!! And while I enjoyed Cade's first holiday season immensely, I have to admit the huge sense of relief that it's finally come to a close. Back to slower days, no place to go, nothing to buy and not nearly as much to clean! With all that said, I have a lot of pictures to update and blogging to do.

We got to see almost all of our family this holiday - a special treat. There were a ridiculous number of presents, an even more ridiculous amount of food and terrific memories of Cade's first Christmas.

W e also went to see ICE at the Gaylord Texan. It's an exhibit of ices sculptures kept at 14 degrees. They give you a parka to wear because it's so cold. You can see for yourself the results!

Trick or Treat?

I think he's a TREAT!!!

when did it happen?

Tell me little one - when did you magically stop being my baby and start being my little boy?

This morning at church there was a little baby in front of us. I mean little - brand new. Probably a couple of days old. I found myself staring at her in amazement over how small and fragile she looked. Now if my memory serves me correctly, we took you to church when you were 5 days old, but already I can't remember you ever being that small.

But now, you are this beautiful little boy with the sparkling blue eyes and the intoxicating grin. You were putting on a show for the people behind us. You were smiling and attentive and they were all watching and talking about you. And when we got home, I was putting you into your bouncy seat at it struck me - like a ton of bricks. You didn't even look like a baby anymore. You looked like a full fledged little boy.

Then we got on the floor and here it is - caught on film. These baby days are all but over.


I so wanted you to stay my tiny baby forever, but it seems that I'm losing that battle. I treasure our time together. I thank God every day for wonderful you. I KNOW I haven't lived a good enough life to deserve you, but thank goodness that God doesn't give us what we deserve.

You are my angel. You are the light of my life. You are my treasure. And you will ALWAYS be my baby.

Love you forever and always no matter what.
Mommy

good or bad

So today was a good day...but then again, it wasn't. Today Cade sat up on his own for about 8 seconds. That's long time when you're not even 5 months old. Then I put him on his tummy and he played and got his legs going like he wanted to crawl and then he rolled over. I was proud of him and HE was proud of him and we were happy together - but there was someone missing. Daddy. And that sucks.

We love you and we miss you and we wish you could have a job where you were here more. We'll try to do it again this weekend and just pretend it was the first time. Everything is better when you're here. We hope you know that. And we know you would be if you could. Thanks for being such a great dad!

make mama proud

A couple weeks ago, the one and only Amber (she's my favorite today...ask me why later) took pictures of our whole family. I was so excited. I thought about it for weeks - what we would all wear, poses I wanted etc. That morning, however Cade was NOT the smiley, uber happy boy that he usually is early in the morning. The plan I had in my head began to unravel. An hour into the shoot he came completely unglued and and I just knew there would be no good pictures. I found myself wanting to scream - NO, NO, NO - I SWEAR, HE'S SO GOOD AND HAPPY, THIS JUST ISN'T RIGHT.

That night, I decided to take a video of the happy boy that had returned just to prove he does exist.

But this past Saturday, my angel made me so proud. Our friend Sarah had her baby shower and I really didn't know anybody there except Sarah and Amy. I took Cade with me and hoped he would be good, but knew it was risky because he wouldn't get his big morning nap. To my surprise, he was FABULOUS!!! He was happy and smiley and flirty and just perfect. Everyone was taken with how good and easy going he is. And THAT'S the baby I know that I have that I wish everyone could see. I don't know how I got the BEST BABY EVER - Just lucky I guess.


Oh - and as you can see, either it wasn't as bad as I thought, or Amber is really the best photog ever!! A little of both I think.

My Best Girl

If you've been reading this blog, you've probably noticed that everything I write is about my son. Not this one. This one is about my girl. My best girl to be exact. Except she's not anymore - now she's someone elses.

It breaks my heart, but Mia now belongs to someone else. For reasons we just won't get into, I've decided it was time to let her go. Let someone else love her. Someone who has more time. There will never be another Mia. Never. I love this horse in a way I'm not sure it's normal to love an animal. Because of what she was when I got her. Because of what she has become. Because of what I taught her and what she taught me. Because of how she took care of me (and Cade) the whole time I was pregnant. You think I'm crazy - but she knew. She knew she had to be good and gentle and safe and dependable. And she was. I NEVER doubted her.

This is the best thing for her and me right now - no matter how much it hurts. She will always me "Mine" - that's why I named her "Mia". Here's to my BEAUTIFUL girl...

Swimming

So people keep commenting on the fact that I haven't been very good about updating the blog. I completely agree and I apologize. My only excuse is that my spare time is a little lacking - what with a full time job, a 3 month old, a weekend gig, a husband that travels etc. etc.

Do you feel sorry for me yet???

So on labor day weekend Steve went hunting and my friend Shanon graciously let us come use her pool and hang out. It was Cade's first time in something more than a bath. I had this grand illusion that he would squeal with joy over his first swim, but as you can see, my laid back little baby was not all that impressed. Either way, I had a great time.

I'm surprised too

I was talking to Steve on the phone tonight about what our Saturday was going to look like. I was thinking of going to the barn in the morning. Steve had an invitation to go to the lake in the afternoon. The conversation went something like this...

Steve: "I'll watch him while you go to the barn - I don't mind"
Molly: "No, it's fine if you go to the lake, I'll take him with me - It's really OK"
Steve: "No, I'll watch him, I don't mind - besides, you are with him 24 hours a day - you need a break"

After we got off the phone, I started thinking about that statement and realized that before he was born, I probably would have thought that same thing. I think I even put those thoughts in Steve's head before Cade got here. I was sure that spending all your time with a baby would drive someone insane. But then it occurred to me - I don't feel like I need a break. I actually LIKE to be with him - ALL THE TIME. I know - it surprised me too.
Ask me again when he's 2.

That Smile

is the reason I get up in the morning

is what makes my bad days good

fills my heart with joy

has changed my life for the better

It's Time

OK baby boy. It's time. Time for me to let go a little. Time to do something that not one fiber of my being wants to do. Time to justify a room full of expensive furniture. It's time for you to start sleeping upstairs.

I have no justifiable reason to NOT want you up there. You're sleeping through the night. We've got every monitor known to man. You've got a beautiful crib and we won't have to worry about waking you up when we're getting ready for bed. With all of that said - I still don't want to do it.

I don't mind sharing with you that prior to your birth, I had a LOT of trepidation about motherhood. I was worried about my lack of patience. My need for quiet. My personal time. While I still value those things - they all pale in comparison to being with you. Watching you. Holding you. Just being near you. It's not like I hold or watch you all the time when you're sleeping down here with us - but I know you're close - and I like that.

Anyway, this is something that has to happen eventually, so tonight is the night - wish me luck.

I love you peanut - more than words.

Schedule

Cade,

All the people around us have started taking notice of how adamant your mom is about your schedule. I've even joked- I live and die by the schedule. I even bought a new watch to help me since our schedule has become the cornerstone of our new life.

They can joke all they want - I LOVE our schedule. I love it partly because I need order in my life. I love it partly because you need order in your life. It helps us plan our days - and sleep through the night. It fits my personality and you don't seem to mind it. Mostly, I like our schedule because I can be assured that at least 2 times a day - I get to put you on my chest and shush you to sleep while I try to get some work done and type on the computer.

This is how our day goes...

sometime between 7 -8 am (see, I'm flexible) - you get up, eat and play

Usually round 9:30 you get tired and fussy and this is the first time of the day I put you on my chest to sleep. It's the only thing that calms you down. It's where you want to be. It's where I want you to be. It's where you are right this minute as I write this.

Afternoons are similar - you eat, play, sleep. Unfortunately, work is busier than I'd like and taking a lot of time. Thank goodness for Yaya and ZuZu. They spend at least some portion of every day watching you so I can work. I'm trying to make it better. Work harder, smarter, faster - I want to spend ALL my time with you. I'll get there - I'll figure it out. Please just don't grow up while I'm not watching. It will break my heart.

Evenings are a continuation of the eat, play, sleep cycle. Usually around 6 or so, you get tired and fussy again and the sleeping on the chest trick come into play again. Again - I'm typing, you're sleeping. It's just what we do. Every other night you get a bath. We finally figured out the trick to get you to stop crying - put a wet washcloth over your entire front. This tackles 2 issues - the "spraying" and the crying. You like your baths now - thank goodness. So, bath around 8, dinner at 8:15. Then it's right to bed. You don't fuss anymore. When you were 3 weeks old. we put you down one night and let you cry it out. Ever since then - no crying at bedtime. It's really amazing. You are a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY good baby. But you don't get off the hook that easy - keep it up little boy. I have big dreams for you.

So, this weekend we are going to visit the whole gang in San Antonio. I'm of course worried (because that's what I do best) that you are going to get off your schedule and be cranky and fussy and won't sleep. It's a long drive and there will be a lot going on. I want everyone to see the happy, easy going, well adjusted baby I see every day. Prove me wrong little one. Be the perfect little boy that you are. But remember - even if you cry the whole time - I'll be there to try to make it better and I'll still love you just as much.

Forever and always - no matter what.

Mommy

Almost Twin

Most people know the story about my friend Crystal How we got pregnant at the same time. How we had the same due date. How our waters both broke within 2 hours, and how our children were born the same day - just 3 hours apart.

Crystal and her husband Jeremy came out here for dinner Friday. At the end of the evening, we tried to get pictures of the kids together...I guess we should have tried earlier. Together, we took almost 20 pictures and NOT ONE had both kids content. Cade screamed in 90% of the pictures and Cayli in the other 10%. Either way, this is my favorite picture from the night - it pretty much summed it all up. I like that Cayli looks terrified of the screaming baby next to her...sorry baby girl!

When we were at the restaurant, some lady came up and asked if they were twins. As Jeremy says - he's her 'brother from another mother'...Cutie Pies!!!

Good Morning

My family will attest to the fact that I have never really been a morning person. Waking up is hard for me - I'm always still tired and it doesn't matter what the day holds - it just doesn't seem worth it. I'd ALWAYS rather stay in bed.

That has all changed recently. Mornings are the BEST. Mornings are when unending smiles happen. Mornings are the end to our time apart. Mornings give me this...

Cowboy Cade

Even though he's been "in the saddle" since before he was born, today Cade went for his first "real" ride. In case anyone is wondering...he didn't even wake up.

FINE

OK, OK..So I'm finally giving in and doing the blog thing. Not so much because I have a burning desire to share, or because I have Amy's eloquence with words or Amber's wit, or because I have too much time and not nearly enough to do. Mostly because I have cute pictures and stories about my son and videos that are too large to e-mail.

Well, last night we hit a major milestone in the mommy/baby realm. Cade slept through the night - totally and completely by himself...in the closet. Now, before you get offended that I put my baby in the closet - let me explain.

He's been sleeping through the night with a little help from me for over a week now. About 3 times a night I give him his pacifier when he starts to stir and once a night I turn him over so he can change positions. After a solid week of this with no middle-of-the-night feedings, we decided to roll the bassinet 15 feet away to the bathroom and give it a go. That night was hard - maybe not for him, but for me. You see, on that night he cried - a lot - and my heart ached. As you might imagine, a bathroom echos and magnifies the sound and it sounded like my precious son was heartbroken that I wasn't there to comfort him. Now, of course I can't prove that he actually was - but that's how it felt. So, I did what any loving mother would do. I put a pillow over my head! Why you ask? Because the wisest woman I know (and you know who you are) gave me a snippet of information on my new job called motherhood. She told me that my job is to work myself out of a job. That over the next 18+ years, I was to make my son strong and independent and self reliant. That he should be able to take care of and comfort himself...eventually. So, no better time than the present.

Anyway, we made it through the night in one piece and even though I was sure that he was "eyeing" my the next morning - annoyed that I didn't come to his rescue - I decided that I was no quitter and we were going to do it again. Only this time he was going to have to cry in a room that didn't echo and make me feel so guilty. So when Steve got home around 10, we wheeled our sleeping son another 10 feet past his previous night's resting place to the quiet, carpeted closet. I left the door cracked and retreated to bed - prepared to be woken up by his cries in just a few short hours. But to my surprise, nothing. He had slept through the night with no help from me. A milestone in his development and twinge of pain in my heart. For the first time - he no longer needs me.

At 6:15, when Steve got out of the shower I said "Is he breathing?" and he said "yeah, he's just lying there awake and smiling". So I asked him to bring Cade to me so I could feed him...the next 3 minutes proved to be some of the most pure joy I've ever known.

Now, please remember that Steve had been out of town since Monday morning at 5:00am, so Cade hadn't seen him or heard his voice in 4 full days. I heard a baby shriek followed by a belly laugh from dad. When Steve leaned over the bassinet to pick him up, Cade looked right at him and smiled his "big" smile and shrieked. This went on for a minute until he brought him over to me in bed. Cade was just looking at him and laughing and thrashing his arms. He was SO happy to see his daddy. We sat there as a family and all laughed.

It made my heart happy.

Sweet baby boy - you're already growing up so fast. I'm amazed by you and how EASY you are making this journey on me. You are the light of my life. I want to hold you in my arms forever. - Mommy