I'm surprised too

I was talking to Steve on the phone tonight about what our Saturday was going to look like. I was thinking of going to the barn in the morning. Steve had an invitation to go to the lake in the afternoon. The conversation went something like this...

Steve: "I'll watch him while you go to the barn - I don't mind"
Molly: "No, it's fine if you go to the lake, I'll take him with me - It's really OK"
Steve: "No, I'll watch him, I don't mind - besides, you are with him 24 hours a day - you need a break"

After we got off the phone, I started thinking about that statement and realized that before he was born, I probably would have thought that same thing. I think I even put those thoughts in Steve's head before Cade got here. I was sure that spending all your time with a baby would drive someone insane. But then it occurred to me - I don't feel like I need a break. I actually LIKE to be with him - ALL THE TIME. I know - it surprised me too.
Ask me again when he's 2.

That Smile

is the reason I get up in the morning

is what makes my bad days good

fills my heart with joy

has changed my life for the better

It's Time

OK baby boy. It's time. Time for me to let go a little. Time to do something that not one fiber of my being wants to do. Time to justify a room full of expensive furniture. It's time for you to start sleeping upstairs.

I have no justifiable reason to NOT want you up there. You're sleeping through the night. We've got every monitor known to man. You've got a beautiful crib and we won't have to worry about waking you up when we're getting ready for bed. With all of that said - I still don't want to do it.

I don't mind sharing with you that prior to your birth, I had a LOT of trepidation about motherhood. I was worried about my lack of patience. My need for quiet. My personal time. While I still value those things - they all pale in comparison to being with you. Watching you. Holding you. Just being near you. It's not like I hold or watch you all the time when you're sleeping down here with us - but I know you're close - and I like that.

Anyway, this is something that has to happen eventually, so tonight is the night - wish me luck.

I love you peanut - more than words.

Schedule

Cade,

All the people around us have started taking notice of how adamant your mom is about your schedule. I've even joked- I live and die by the schedule. I even bought a new watch to help me since our schedule has become the cornerstone of our new life.

They can joke all they want - I LOVE our schedule. I love it partly because I need order in my life. I love it partly because you need order in your life. It helps us plan our days - and sleep through the night. It fits my personality and you don't seem to mind it. Mostly, I like our schedule because I can be assured that at least 2 times a day - I get to put you on my chest and shush you to sleep while I try to get some work done and type on the computer.

This is how our day goes...

sometime between 7 -8 am (see, I'm flexible) - you get up, eat and play

Usually round 9:30 you get tired and fussy and this is the first time of the day I put you on my chest to sleep. It's the only thing that calms you down. It's where you want to be. It's where I want you to be. It's where you are right this minute as I write this.

Afternoons are similar - you eat, play, sleep. Unfortunately, work is busier than I'd like and taking a lot of time. Thank goodness for Yaya and ZuZu. They spend at least some portion of every day watching you so I can work. I'm trying to make it better. Work harder, smarter, faster - I want to spend ALL my time with you. I'll get there - I'll figure it out. Please just don't grow up while I'm not watching. It will break my heart.

Evenings are a continuation of the eat, play, sleep cycle. Usually around 6 or so, you get tired and fussy again and the sleeping on the chest trick come into play again. Again - I'm typing, you're sleeping. It's just what we do. Every other night you get a bath. We finally figured out the trick to get you to stop crying - put a wet washcloth over your entire front. This tackles 2 issues - the "spraying" and the crying. You like your baths now - thank goodness. So, bath around 8, dinner at 8:15. Then it's right to bed. You don't fuss anymore. When you were 3 weeks old. we put you down one night and let you cry it out. Ever since then - no crying at bedtime. It's really amazing. You are a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY good baby. But you don't get off the hook that easy - keep it up little boy. I have big dreams for you.

So, this weekend we are going to visit the whole gang in San Antonio. I'm of course worried (because that's what I do best) that you are going to get off your schedule and be cranky and fussy and won't sleep. It's a long drive and there will be a lot going on. I want everyone to see the happy, easy going, well adjusted baby I see every day. Prove me wrong little one. Be the perfect little boy that you are. But remember - even if you cry the whole time - I'll be there to try to make it better and I'll still love you just as much.

Forever and always - no matter what.

Mommy